This is the story of how I tried to start my own start up on nights and weekends and couldn't handle the balance. I may have lost the love of my life, and it's forced me to examine what I really want to do with my life, and how everyone needs to do what they love. I'm submitting this in the hopes that others don't go through the same mistakes I did, and perhaps others could share how they've been able to find balance or the trials and tribulations you've been through to find happiness in life.
Don't misunderstand me - I appreciate what you are saying here, and we could all take your advice to heart, but sometimes "doing what you love" simply isn't possible.
People in the US and other technology-oriented areas of the world (I'll admit I'm completely ignorant) are amazingly lucky to enjoy a wide range of career choices. We get to choose a career. Certainly we can choose things that are more pleasant than others.
But to say everyone has the option to do "what they love" is not accurate. Do something you don't hate sure. Do something you enjoy maybe. Sometimes we can't do what we love.
I love driving my car really really fast (and do when I have a chance to) but there's no way I could make a career out of it. I also happen to love technology (not my job so much) so I'm lucky to work in a field that I enjoy.
I have been thinking lately though that I should try to go somewhere else where I will be "happier" - somewhere that will challenge me. In this aspect, I'm absolutely going to follow your advice.
I'm going to disagree with this assertion: "sometimes 'doing what you love' simply isn't possible."
The twist is that it may be true that you cannot survive doing some particular thing you love doing, it is has been my experience that you can find something you love to do that does in fact pay for your expenses.
The example "I love driving my car really really fast (and do when I have a chance to) but there's no way I could make a career out of it." is an interesting one, and to give you a flavor of how I think about these things.
Have you explored what it is about driving your car really really fast that triggers your happiness/reward center? Is it the inherent risk of losing control? Is it the rapid fire decision making? Is it the minimization of time between destinations? Is it some sense of freedom about being able to go anywhere ?
If you can get enough introspection into finding out what it is that you love about driving your car fast, it can lead you additional activities that you will also love.
My conjecture (and its just that) is that the base class of things that trigger our reward centers rapid enough or deeply enough cause us to 'love' doing them, is relatively finite with respect to the set 'all possible things you could do.'
Its worth spending some time thinking about because everyday you spend doing something that you don't love doing, is a day you will never get back.
This is a privileged worldview. People growing up in other circumstances often have to A) find a way to be happy while doing mind-numbingly shitty and possibly dangerous work just to get by or B) be content not to be happy.
It's worth considering how much first-world suffering is caused by the belief that we somehow deserve to be "happy".
I may come as a suprise that some, perhaps even many, people who live in a 'privileged' world are neither doing what they love nor are they happy. I don't believe my view is constrained by privilege, I certainly seek to understand bias in my own thinking and to eliminate it.
The claim, which is supported by the author of the cited article, is that better 'alignment' between what you love and what you are doing reduces stress and increases overall happiness. I believe that truth to be universal.
There are people who are enslaved and have no choice about what they do or how they live, there are people who have options. It doesn't change the principle.
"It's worth considering how much first-world suffering is caused by the belief that we somehow deserve to be 'happy'."
Historically the Catholic Church operated on the belief that we deserve to suffer.
The trick is throwing off externally imposed values on what you 'should' feel and figure out what you 'do' feel.
I found validation of that belief in the story acconrad tells of how he came to believe it.
Driving (well, racing) is a member of a set of things very few people get to do successfully as a career. The things that make racing exciting are typically the speed, the thrill, the danger, and how quickly everything happens.
In short, the only way to get these things in a job is in a professional sport, or maybe in the armed forces. Professional sporting is always an elite group, and fighter pilot's seats, the SEALS, and the Delta Force are similarly eclectic.
Thrills - also thrilling parachute jumping, and teaching others to jump, hang gliding, ballooning, white water rafting, and crop dusting to name a few.
Danger - well all of the above have some amount of danger to them as well.
Quick - yup have that covered too.
So if one loved 'thrill, danger, speed' there are many activities you can do which have those attributes, and it is my claim that if can the financials work where most of your time is doing something you love then you will be happier overall.
I'd like to add Kiteboarding or surfing big waves to the list of things that would give you the feeling that you describe.
The fastest thing on water is a Kiteboard. In high winds it has everything you described above - but it is plenty dangerous too so be careful. It's something I intensely love to do.
I'm absolutely certain you can get paid to teach it, you could also probably get paid to rent supplies / boards / gear at an appropriate beach, and you could get paid to demo/sell kiteboarding gear, and you could get paid to test / evaluate kiteboarding gear. A lot of different angles on that.
Once you can get on the board and ride, you'll chase the wind for free - trust me :) ... But yeah you can become an instructor or run a kite school, or run Kiteboarding tours or travel around the world in a yacht chasing the trade winds and have people pay a hefty sum for the privilege of staying on your boat (google "best odyssey").
You'll live on the prettiest beaches in the world, meet beautiful women, be in great shape but you won't have money. And from what I've seen, most people who have this lifestyle are VERY happy.
I tried to keep this as open-ended as possible, so try and re-frame this as doing anything you love. Maybe you are doing the activity you love, but as you've suggested, perhaps it's not the ideal place. Or maybe you love your job, but you don't love the balance or you've lost the love of the activities you used to enjoy, like sports or camping.
For me, it was just learning to love in general. I needed to remember what it was like to love playing the guitar, to love spending time with my friends, and to love sitting down at the computer and cranking on code I enjoyed. Perhaps doing what you love means working a job that allows you to pursue all of your passions in your spare time. My hope is to share an experience so others don't hit rock bottom before they discover what they love to do in life.
